Interview--John Blumenthal

Chatting with John Blumenthal
by: Jennifer Minar

In this interview, I chat with author/screenwriter John Blumenthal, a funny and talented writer of not only fiction, but screenplays, essays and book-length non-fiction.

Formerly a contributing editor of Playboy Magazine, Blumenthal has authored six books, including "The Official Hollywood Handbook" (Simon & Schuster), "Love's Reckless Rash" (St. Martin's Press), "The Tinseltown Murders" (Simon & Schuster) and "Hollywood High" (Ballantine). He has also co-written two feature films--20th Century Fox's SHORT TIME and Columbia Pictures' 1999 hit comedy BLUE STREAK.

Through cyberspace we discussed his new novel, "What's Wrong With Dorfman?" a comedic story about Martin Dorfman, a neurotic, hypochondriacal worrier with a few minor obsessions and a wildly dysfunctional family.

WB: I read in an interview somewhere that you got your first break at Esquire. Tell us a little about that experience.

JOHN: After college, there was a major recession and I couldn't find a job so I became a housepainter in Nantucket. Not a career goal by a long shot. But one day, my roommate brought home a copy of Esquire which he bought because Groucho was on the cover and he was a big Marx Brothers fan. In the "Editor's Notes" section, Editor Harold Hayes wrote that Esquire needed a new editor and invited people interested in the position to write to him. So I wrote a funny letter about how 4 years of college had prepared me for nothing in the real world and a month later Hayes invited me to NYC. I came in 3rd, so I got a job as a fact checker. Not the greatest job in the world but it was a foot in the door. I became friends with people like Nora Ephron and talked to writers like John Sack and Tom Wolfe. Quite a rush for a kid just out of college.

WB: What did you do for Playboy Magazine?

JOHN: I started as an assistant editor in 1974, a year after I got the Esquire job. Mostly I did humorous stuff. I did Playboy Interviews with the cast and writers of Saturday Night Live, with Chevy Chase and with the cast of Hill Street Blues. I also wrote numerous humorous essays for them and worked with comedians like Andy Kaufman and David Steinberg. I set up a wrestling match between Kaufman and a Playmate in Atlantic City. Boy, that was surreal. Andy Kaufman was a very weird guy.

WB: What is the single thing you love the most about writing?

JOHN: Typing the words "The End." Actually, I really love writing the first draft. Rewriting is more of a chore. I like getting checks too. Who doesn't?

WB: What is the single thing you dislike the most about writing?

JOHN: When your computer freezes in the middle of a sentence and you haven't hit the "Save" button in the last three hours.

WB: (Ugh! I know the feeling!) Moving on… When do you get your best ideas?

JOHN: Usually when I'm about to go to sleep. Occasionally on the can. Or when I'm not thinking about writing at all.

WB: Where do you live?

JOHN: In a ridiculously humungous house in Westlake Village, CA, a small town that is known mostly for being incredibly boring.

WB: Describe your office space. Also, do you always write in your office?

JOHN: Yes, I always write in my office, unless I have a great idea somewhere else, then I'll jot it down because my memory has become Swiss cheese. I have a fairly large office with northern and western views, a huge bookshelf and desk. On the walls are framed posters of my 2 movies, pictures of my wife and daughters and a framed autograph of Ulysses S. Grant.

WB: How do you approach edits?

JOHN: Having been an editor at Playboy for about eight years, I don't usually get edited too much, although proofreaders usually find a few oversights on my part. As for Studio or editor's notes having to do with plot, character and structure, I try to be compliant when I agree with their points of view. Otherwise, I will argue to the death.

WB: How long did it take to sell your first manuscript/screenplay?

JOHN: I didn't sell my first five screenplays. Number 6 (SHORT TIME) sold in about a week and was made about a year later. It was, frankly, a miracle. My first few manuscripts did not sell either. My first published book--The Official Hollywood Handbook--sold pretty fast on the basis of an outline and a few chapters.

WB: John, if you weren't a writer, what would you be doing?

JOHN: Joining the French Foreign Legion. Assuming it still exists.

WB: Tell us a little about your new book, "What's Wrong with Dorfman?"

JOHN: It's somewhat autobiographical. It's the story of a burned-out screenwriter with a wacky family. One morning he wakes up with a mysterious disease and thinks he is dying. His doctors tell him he's in perfect health, but he feels lousy every day and goes out on this wild adventure to find a cure.

WB: Who is Martin Dorfman?

JOHN: A fictional character. A neurotic, hypochondriacal worrier with a few minor obsessions and a dysfunctional family. In other words, Everyman. (As for the term "dysfunctional family" it is, I believe, redundant, just as "functional family" is an oxymoron).

WB: *Laughs.* I'm with you on that one. :) John, you say it took you five months to complete your first draft. Describe a typical day during that time period.

JOHN: Get up, shave, shower, pace, sharpen pencils, sit at computer, write a sentence, reshave, reshower...etc. No not really. Actually, I'm a pretty fast writer so I'm generally able to write about 1500 words a day, sometimes more if I'm on a roll. I never write unless I know beforehand what the story will be about, how it will begin and end. But I don't believe in strict outlines because I think writing is, in some ways, a discovery process. If you stick to an outline, where's the surprise -- both for you and the reader?

WB: How many drafts did you write before you self-published?

JOHN: Many. I just kept going over and over and over it. You can work on a manuscript forever and it will probably improve with each change, but you have to stop at some point obviously and say it's done.

WB: Why did you decide to self-publish? What was that like?

JOHN: I decided to self-publish after the book received 75 rejections. Many of the rejections were very complimentary--many raved about the book, some for up to two pages, and apologized for not being able to accept it. It was too quirky, they said, too midlist. Big publishers said it wasn't commercial enough, small literary presses said it was too commercial. I'd read about MJ Rose's success with self-publishing so I decided to give it a shot. I wouldn't have even considered doing it if there were no Internet or Amazon.com. It's definitely easier today to reach readers all over the world.

WB: What marketing tactics did you find most effective for selling copies of your self-published book?

JOHN: I sent it EVERYWHERE, hoping it would land in the right place and find a champion. Eventually it did. I also talked it up on the Internet ad nauseum. Somehow, the book got on BookSense76, then Book Magazine's "Recommended Reading List" and January Magazine named it as one of the "50 Best Books of the Year." Obviously all that helped a great deal. Plus, I managed to sell 4,000 copies.

WB: How will your marketing tactics change now that you're working with St. Martin's Press?

JOHN: I'll still be doing a lot of it myself, but they have the contacts to the major mainstream book critics and newspapers, so the weight of their recommendation might garner some good reviews. I had trouble cracking the newspaper critics when I was on my own because nobody had heard of my publishing house, Farmer Street Press. Sometimes I think I should have called myself Werner Books or Simon & Shooster" or "Houghton Mufflin."

WB: What advice would you give to those who are considering the self-publishing route?

JOHN: Be prepared to lose money. Don't bother with ebooks or PODS. The latter are too expensive, the former too unwieldy. Plus, you're better off self-pubbing nonfiction if it's got a good niche or hook. It's much tougher with novels. Most people aren't aware of this statistic, but apparently about 1000 books are published every week in America. And they're all fighting for attention. So it's hard to stand out.

WB: What benefits did you reap by going the self-pub route?

JOHN: My goal was always to sell to a mainstream publisher. That happened, so I accomplished my goal. I also grossed about $48,000, but the wholesalers kept half of that, so I ended up with about $24,000, all of which I put back into the business. I even took out small ads in the New York Times and LA Times Sunday Lit sections. That was a waste of money.

WB: What advice would you give aspiring writers on both self-publishing and writing in general?

JOHN: Keep writing. If you have real talent, you will improve with time and eventually make it. If you have no talent you're probably wasting your time. As for self-publishing -- my advice is hire a consultant. I hired Pete Masterson of Aeonix.com to shepherd me through the whole process. It costs money but it makes the process less of a hassle.

WB: When will your book hit the stores?

JOHN: If all goes as planned, around August 16th, 2003. Things rarely go as planned in the publishing business, however. At least that's been my experience.

WB: Do you have anything you'd like to tell our readers?

JOHN: Always floss at least once a day.

WB: What do you hope your readers get out of this book?

JOHN: A good time, a few laughs, perhaps an insight or two about life. Many readers have told me that they have read the book in one sitting, so I guess I'm doing something right. That's what I aim for -- to hook the reader early on and not let go. I think that's an important necessity in fiction writing that too many of today's authors sometimes neglect.

Look for "What's Wrong With Dorfman" in your local bookstore. You can also visit the author's web site to find out more about the book at www.WhatsWrongWithDorfman.com.

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